Saturday, 10 April 2010

A Journey of a Thousand Miles Begins When Shit Happens!

    In my last post we looked at the deep and meaningful philosophy known simply as "Shit Happens", and you may remember that we discovered that Taoism simply perceives that shit does indeed happen, which, very surprisingly, wasn't even contested by our resident expert on Taoism, Ta Wan! Indeed, he made no comment at all, and I would very much like to take this opportunity to ask him if he has his very own shit happening hidden up his sleeve that could be shared with us? Well, have you? Or is Taoism really that uninteresting? ;-P No doubt, in due course, he'll tell me just how many yogi's it takes to change a light bulb whilst sitting inverted in the full lotus position; and with shit happening . . .

Yes, it was Suzanne Foxton who gave us several examples of how many Taoists and Buddhists it takes to change a light bulb . . . 

How many Taoists does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They wait for the light bulb to change itself, and eventually, resign themselves to darkness.

How many Confucianists does it take to change a light bulb?

Well, the number it takes isn't important, as long as the process is a model of social order.

How many Buddhists does it take to change a light bulb?

It never gets changed. But the Buddhist may well attain enlightenment upon contemplation of the dilemma of changing or not changing the light bulb.

How many Zen Buddhists does it take to change a light bulb?

None: the unchanged light bulb is perfect as it is.

Well I happen to agree with that one, ha, ha . . . someone else can change the fecking thing! ;-)

OK, how many Suzanne Foxton's does it take to change a light bulb guys? It doesn't, in fact it takes no one in particular . . . apparently! Which is nice . . .

Right, getting back on track with that other shit we were discussing, Confucianism revealed that Confucius, he say: "Shit Happens", (what, like light bulbs blowing?), which is no improvement at all on our Taoist dilemma. What is wrong with these Orientals, don't they have a sense of humour? (hey, I'm just kidding with you). What would Lau Tzu have said about all this shit happening? He may have said there was no shit happening at all, or that shit is simply the way . . . on the other hand he might have said:

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step, usually because shit has already happened, well let's face it, there's never a good reason to have to walk that far." 

Obviously much has been lost in translation . . . and the journalist was also having trouble keeping up with him at the time!

Now, the Buddhist philosophy is a little more interesting:

If shit happens, then it isn't really shit.

Well if it isn't really shit, what is it? Oh, I see, they mean that it's only our perception of the event that is shit!

Come to think of it, that's a fair point, and a possibility worth our consideration. I mean, look, we all experience events in our lives don't we, but . . . humour me here . . . maybe the event itself isn't a problem, maybe it is our perception of the events in our lives that creates all our problems . . . what do you think, is that a possibility worth contemplating? Perhaps events happen, but faulty perception turns the event into shit happening, and not only shit that is happening, but happening to me. That's right, we take shit personally, and that could be mankind's real problem!

It is World Cup year, so, are you keeping score here? It seems to me to be a score line of one goal to Buddhism, and pretty much zero goals to Taoism and Confucianism . . . ha, ha . . . maybe someone in the know should score a couple of goals on their behalf? ;-) (wink, wink).

Of course Zen gave us a beauty with "What is the sound of shit happening?" Rizal, in his commentary told us, and I quote:

 "A thoughtful koan: "What is the sound of shit happening?"

I'll sit and contemplate...

... on the toilet!"

Well there's no place like home! What, WHAT??

It was Shinzen who came up with a real answer, he of the deep Taoist-Zen-Karate Philosophies said, word for word:

Okay've brought out in my inner adolescent.

What's the sound of one shit happening?


Which I have to admit, made me smile . . . in a totally puerile sort of way of course :-)

So, Zen scored a couple of goals courtesy of Rizal and Shinzen. Buddhism pretty much scored it's own goal, but not an own goal, and that was without any help from a friend . . but what about Lau Tzu, the other Taoists and Confucius, anything for them so far? No, not even a light bulb or two . . .

Anyway, it would appear that 1yogi2many has had a very negative effect upon the mental health of several members of Blogger Ville, but hopefully things will improve from now on!

So, let us move on to . . .

Hinduism: "This shit has happened before."

. . . and not forgetting . . .

Islam: "If Shit happens, it is the will of Allah."

. . . which is undeniable, so don't even go there! And finally today . . .

Homerism: "Why does shit always happen to me? D'oh!"

No one in their right mind would deny Homer Simpson his right to figure prominently amongst the great philosophers of the (cartoon) world, especially when communicating the happenings of shit; and so he has been rightfully put where he belongs.

In my next post, which is your next fix, there will be plenty more shit happening, so don't put your foot in it by missing it! It may, however, take a couple of days to arrive because I'll be going on vacation with the children.

That's it for now from . . .

1light-bulb2few (with a need to pop to the hardware store) Yogi!

PS. I was, of course, going to move onto the whole light bulb thing once I'd exhausted all this shit that's happening here, but unfortunately Suzanne mentioned them first, but that's OK cos shit like that happens! ;-)

PPS. There is of course the seed of an equal, or greater, opportunity hidden within the shit that just happened; there always is if you'll just look for it, as demonstrated by all the shit you've just read here


  1. LFAO!!!...and I just shit my pants! Hey, a new koan. Oh, well. Wouldn't be the first time, won't be the last.

  2. I eat therefore I shall shit.

    What is the sound of a the pope crapping in the forest gump if there is no one bear to hear it?

    That light bulb will burn my fingers if I touch it. Has your light gone out? Is it the switch or the bulb?

    Comparing Taoism, with Buddhism with Zen is like comparing cake with flour and egg. 2 are the ingredients of the other. Confucianism is the insistence that the recipe shall remain the same even if it tastes like shit.

    'Shit happens' is a fine philosophy, it truly is. As with all the greatest though they must be lived thoroughly, if you go bitching that it is shit, or celebrating the one that fell from yer butt leaving no trace and not even requiring a wipe, then you are no longer a shitist following shitism, you are bound by illusion and pooality.

    I shit therefore I am 2 stone lighter. I am enlightened by the offload.

    auoooooooooooooooooom plop.


    hiya :D

  3. Ta Wan,

    I want to swear, honest I do, but I can't, it's against my religion. All I can say is that's Fecking brilliant . . . at last we have a great fight back in the name of insanity ;-)

  4. Shinzen . . you most definitely have your work cut out my friend, as indeed do I. On second thoughts, perhaps we should quit right ;-)

  5. So many to compare, so many to say, while they all just the same; perspectives. That is all.

    But if I gotta choose, I favor that Homerism one. D'oh!

    @ Ta-Wan: And I love that quote of yours: "I eat therefore I shit!" I'll be sure to keep it :p

  6. Before I quit...@Ta-Wan: nice dump...I can smell it from here.

    And thanks Doug for another round of lunacy disguised as wisdom...or is it the other way around...I am easily confused.

  7. Doug, I'm sorry to have usurped your light bulb theme. It just seemed so obvious! Like everything else.

  8. Suzanne, hey, look all this 'shit' is simply a 'regurgitation' of something that will never be 'shit happening' because it is its opposite polarity in action! It's not like anything I write really matters, certainly not as much as 'the individual' would like to 'think' it does, ha, ha. Your participation is greatly appreciated, and I embraced the 'seed' of a greater benefit! So, no worries here :-)

  9. Rizal,

    When I wrote the Homer one, well, as Suzanne said, it seemed so obvious to me; thanks for the compliment. Yes, some of this 'shit happening' is stolen, some of these are borrowed and there are those that are 'eureka' light bulb moments direct from the Yogi!

    . . . anyway, as you can tell, I'm getting a bit fed up with all these so called spiritual types dumping here in my own backyard ;-P

  10. LMAO! Everyone already said the good shit, but I can still say I'm loving it!