It was that great philosopher, and fictional character, Forrest Gump who seems to be most famous for saying that "Shit happens", although Shit happens is a common slang phrase. It is used as a simple existential observation that life is full of imperfections, or "C'est la vie". The phrase is an acknowledgment that bad things happen to people for no particular reason, or so it seems to them, ahemmm! There are also minced oath forms, such as "stuff happens" or "it happens" . . . even "shift happens", apparently!
Anyway, here in Philosophers Corner, we have taken an in-depth look at the worlds philosophical approach to the happenings with regard to Forrest Gump syndrome . . .
Taoism: Shit happens
Confucianism: Confucius says: "Shit happens"
Buddhism: If shit happens, it isn't really shit
Zen: What is the sound of shit happening?
Hinduism: This shit has happened before
Islam: If shit happens, it is the will of Allah
Protestantism: Let the shit happen to someone else
Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserve it
Judaism: Why does shit always happen to us?
Sufism: The wise man never notices shit happening
Christian Science: If shit happens, pretend it doesn't really exist
Solipsism: Shit happens because I wish it
Mysticism: Just experience shit happening
Asceticism: If shit happens, renounce it
Agnosticism: Nobody knows why shit happens
Gnosticism: I know why shit happens but won't tell you
Atheism: Shit just happens and that's all there is to it
Cartesianism: Shit happens to me, therefore I exist
Platonism: There is ideal shit happening somewhere
Stoicism: I don't care if shit happens
Epicureanism: Let's party while shit doesn't happen
Cynicism: Of course shit happens
Occultism: Shit materializes from other planes of existence
Terrorism: Shit will happen unless you do as I say
Pollyanism: It's so nice that shit happens!
Puritanism: S** can happen all day as long as you don't call it that
Behaviorism: You are conditioned to having shit happen
Freudianism: If shit happens, it's your mother's fault
Parapsychology: Shit happens without material causes
Surrealism: Purple shit happens near melting clocks
Cubism: If shit happens, you won't recognize it
Cultural relativism: Shit happens everywhere differently
Optimism: If shit happens, we'll find a way to use it
Pessimism: If shit happens, there won't be enough for everybody
Tabloid Sensationalism: Green shit from Mars happens to Elvis clone
Biblical Creationism: Shit happens because God created it
Secular Humanism: Shit happens because it evolved from primitive shit
Scientific Reductionism: If shit happens, find out what kind exactly
Scientific Obscurantism: Amorphous excrement does occur in given cases
Bureaucracy: I don't care if shit happens as long as you fill out the forms
Feminism: Women demand to have shit happen
Ecology: If organic shit happens, it's OK
Capitalism: Let's profit from shit happening
Socialism: If shit happens, let's distribute it equally
Patriotism: Our shit is better than your shit
Conservatism: They don't make even shit happen like they used to
Liberalism: Shit shouldn't happen tomorrow
Classical Physics: Shit does not 'happen', it just moves around
Quantum Physics #1: Shit happens but you can't say both where and when
Quantum Physics #2: Shit happens in discrete quanta called shitons
Holistic Physics: If shit happens, it happens everywhere at once
Microcomputing: If shit happens, we'll fix it in the next version
Computer Science: All shit can in principle happen on a Turing Machine
Applied Mathematics: The probability of shit happening approaches unity
Engineering: When shit happens, paint over
Medicine: If shit happens, take two Aspirins and call me in the morning
Economics: Shit happens because there's a great demand for it
Politics: If shit happens, make a deal with it
Diplomacy: Let's pretend shit doesn't happen
. . . then of course there is Forrest Gump himself . . .
Gumperism: Mama always said, shit is as shit does
. . and not forgetting that great Philosopher of the Cartoon world, Homer Simpson . .
Homerism: Why does shit always happen to me? D'oh!
We, the Management at Philosophers Corner, take no responsibility for the subsequent amount of shit you experience over the following days, weeks, months, years . . .
. . . you really should know better than to read shit like this!
